08th Jan2009

I have no idea what to title this post

by The Boss

Yesterday, I was in a little conversation with Beth from, Please Mom, Don’t Sing. From a comment she left, to an email, this is how it went:

She left me this comment in response to the drama, drama, drama post:

This is the funniest thing! I would love to read the email to your church. I’m betting it went something like this: “Please pray for me because we have no clothes that aren’t stained with my thick salty tears and mounds of saliva and snot. You see, our washing machine is broke and we may not make it through the weee eek ekkkkkk……..”

She was so close. I had to send her the email I sent to my church: I sent this email out after sobbing to my sister-in-law, Laura. She was on the phone with me as I realized the washing machine broke. Laura said later that she had no idea, what was going on, because she couldn’t understand a word I was saying.

Probably sounded something like this, can’t remember exactly, I was consumed with grief:

“noooooo! ::sobbing begins::   ma waaaaainnnng rokkkkkkeeee. waaaaaa gooooon doooooooooo ?!”

Laura in a calm soothing voice: What broke? Brandice…Brandice.

“stuuuuuupid washing machine is broken.”

“Brandice, bring your laundry to my house, and I will wash your clothes.”

“Iiiiiiiii don’t wanna load laundry and kids in the car. We have compannnnyyyyy coming over and all my clothes are dirrrrrrrtttty.”

“Brandice, I don’t mind washing your clothes.”

“I’m just gonna call Ben, and seeeee whaaaaat heeee saaaaays.”

“OK, Call me back.”

::Ring Ring::

“Hello?”

::Snifff..sobbb…sniff::

“What’s wrong?!”

“I am soooooo fruuuustrated!!”

“Why, what happened?”

“The stuuuupiiid washing machiiiiiiiiine broke.”

“The what broke?”

“The. washing. machine.”

“Oh, well that’s no big deal.”

“But weeeee donnnn’t haave any clean clothes, and we have peeeeeeeeople coming over!”

“I’ll just buy some dryer sheets, and we’ll throw some in the dryer. We’ll be fine.”

I call Laura back, who’s already coming up with a master plan to deal with a sister who’s falling apart and 4 additional children, to add to her 3. I Told her, we’d make it, and that everything was OK. I obviously wasn’t going to feel any peace until, I emailed my entire church body. I forwarded this email to Beth yesterday.

“We are going to need a washing machine. Ours broke, and it’s the 3rd thing to break this week. First our heater, then the tv, now the washing machine.

If anyone has one or knows of one that someone is getting rid of, even to sell, please let us know. Pray for me please, I can handle being cold ( we got it fixed though), and no TV, but the laundry is backed up enough here, and it makes me crazy, plus Ben and I don’t have any clean clothes right now. All of mine are covered in slobber and snot. :)

Thank you, Brandice”

Then she sent me this email, and then I laughed…a lot.

“Still priceless…

I wonder if that would work for ME?

“My digital camera broke and I’m on my 4 year old’s yearbook committee (my 4-year old, people – have mercy). All the OTHER mothers have digital camera that WORK and have pictures of THEIR children. My poor child will have to be the one sadly standing behind someone else’s child positioned in the front.

Then our receiver for the TV died and I can’t watch “Little House on the Prairie” anymore. My days aren’t the same without watching Caroline and Charles debate about whether to get the girl’s new shoes or a second-hand horse.

We’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul so I could get my books for my last semester of college at UAB. At to what end? The governor just announced a hiring freeze on new teachers. Now what am I supposed to do to help support my family? I may have to take to shamelessly accepting companies’ products and hawk them over the internet on my blog just to put some protein in my children.

Won’t you help now? By calling this 1-800 number now, you could save this family. But wait, there’s more. If you call right now, you could get a picture of them (not a digital one, of course) – FREE, just for calling in the next 30 minutes. Won’t you help now? Won’t you pick up your phone and make.that.call?”

You know I’m just playing with you.

Beth”

I found her response entertaining, I thought you might as well.

Category : Memoirs
Tags :
2 Comm
29th Dec2008

drama, drama, drama

by The Boss

I’d like to give you a recap of my week if you don’t mind. It’s been very eventful. You may remember that my heater broke earlier this week, and how yy brother-in-law fixed it. There is a good use for him, afterall :P

The next day, my TV broke. No big deal, but it was right before Christmas Eve and we usually watch a new movie together that night. My sister-in-law gave us one. It’s amazing. It’s like 20 years old, and it’s perfect. Plus, you feel like you’re in the 80′s while you’re looking at it, and I miss the 80′s, so it all works out.

Christmas day, I went to my “other mother’s” house. While getting out of the car, I dropped my cell phone in her driveway. I do this all the time when I get out of the car, but this time I didn’t realize it.  So, my phone sat there all night, in the drizzling rain. Here’s the thing. My last cell phone got dropped in the toilet, then my husband bought us Blackberry’s last year. The biggest reason we bought Blackberry’s, aside from the fact that they’re so much fun, was that they were a T-mobile Hotspot phone. With this phone and the Hotspot plan, we can talk as long as we want from home and not use any minutes. Without my Blackberry, I use minutes. I need to talk to Laura, A LOT. It’s how I get through the day. Plus there are those people who call, who never let you go, and that can use minutes…lots and lots of minutes. I know I could not answer the phone, but I like them, so it makes it hard. Anyway, my husband gave me his Blackberry, because I am home more. We’ll replace his when we can. Isn’t he neat?

On Friday, I was starting a load of laundry and the washing machine broke. This is the point where I finally broke down, and started sobbing. I can live without all those other things, but I want my washing machine! I was on the phone with Laura as this was happening, and she had no idea what was going on because she couldn’t understand anything I was saying, because I was crying so much. I didn’t have any clean clothes, because I am always behind on laundry.

A lot of people who go to my church will send out emails, when we need prayer. I sent out a very dramatic email, that said to pray for me because I didn’t have any clean clothes, and that they were all covered in slobber and snot. I should probably start using that gmail application for “drunk emailing” in these kinds of situations. The idea is that you have to solve some math problems before you email people. This gives you time to reconsider the email, before you embarrass yourself. Fortunately, they love me unconditionally :)

We’ve gone through so many washing machines, and I just figured out, that it’s because I really don’t know how to do laundry. I think I am putting WAY to much in there. Hopefully, I will teach my children to take care of themselves before they move out, so this sort of thing would happen a little less for them.

My “other mother” blessed me with a new washing machine. It’s beautiful and its so QUIET. We thought something was majorly wrong with it, because we couldn’t hear it. When the clothes are agitating, all you hear is a tiny “swoosh” sound.  It’s doesn’t jar the house when it starts spinning either, it’s another Christmas miracle.

Category : Memoirs
Tags : ,
2 Comm