05th Jan2009

I’m Back. ::weeeeeeee::

by The Boss

Aidan has informed me that she needs another sister.

“I’m serious mom, I need another baby sister.”

“No.”

Later that day…

“Honey, did you hear that Aidan would like to have another baby sister?”

“Is she planning on taking care of her?”

“Daddy! I need a baby sister!”

“What if the next one is a boy?”

[ next one!?? What "next one" ?!!!! When he said that, it was like his voice reached God's ear, and instantaneously I became pregnant. I'm not, but it was very very scary.]

“Aidan, why do you need another baby sister? You’ve got Zoe.”

“OK, Look, ” She says, “I need another baby sister to help me with cleaning my bedroom. You’ve been giving me a lot of work in there.”

“That’s just silly, raising children for the purposes of child labor is mommy’s job.”

And then….

This morning, Andrew and I were having a conversation. The conversation ended abruptly when he said two words, “You’re crazy!”

I had to gain composure,  because I will only allow my children to call me “crazy” from the ages of 14 to 18. Before or after that, it is considered disrespectful.

I am sure (I hope) you all missed my blog while it was down. All this server, web host stuff, that I don’t really understand. My friend, Isaac, worked it all out for me. He’s super duper. Well, kind of, he’d be more super if he actually came over once in a while. But I wont go into all that right now.

Glad to have things up and running again.

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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5 Comm
29th Dec2008

No TV for you!

by The Boss

Do you ever think about how TV advertising affects your children? Aidan is a sucker when it comes to advertising. There is a commercial about Bendaroos, have you seen this one? The “Magical wax building  sticks” are for crafting, and “they never break!” Aidan tells me all the time that she needs those, because “they never break!”

“But mommy, they stick to stuff too”

“I can even color with them”

“They’ll stick to my wall, mom!”

You’ve seen the commercials where people are singing “Old McDonald had a farm” as they wash their hands. The idea is that this gets them to wash their hands for the right amount of time, to help wash away the germs. Most of the time, the boys insist on singing this as they wash their hands. The thing that bothers me about this is that I tried to get them to do this before they saw the commercial, and they would have nothing to do with it. Moms don’t know anything, the TV knows everything!

During the holidays, Aidan would tell me that I needed this scotch tape thing that went across my fingers because then I wouldn’t need help wrapping presents. She also told me that the paper cutter that went with it, cut the paper WAY better than scissors and much faster. “You need that mom, for real, you need it.”

Over the weekend we were watching a little cartoon on TV, and a Clorox Wand commercial came on. There was a very excited mom cleaning her toilet with the Wand, and it looked so easy and effortless. She was just so happy cleaning that toilet (she must have been high on marijuana.)

Aidan:”Wow mommy, you need that!”

Andrew yelling with excitement:”Mommy, do you want that for your birthday?!”

“Gee Andrew, if you ever actually peed in the toilet instead of around the toilet, then I am sure I could use that.”

Category : Featured, Memoirs, The Children
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0 Comm
22nd Dec2008

A very random Monday

by The Boss

First of all, let me just say that I plan to remain in my pajamas the entire day. I may get dressed to go to Hobby Lobby today, but I am considering making the trip in my pajamas.

Friday night was the Ugly Christmas Sweater party. If I decide not to be lazy today, I will share some pictures of what I concocted. First Aidan told me I looked like a rockstar. I think she said that because my hair is purple and black. She asked me where I was going, so I told her.

“Why are you going to a ugly party?”

“Because it’s fun.”

“What do you do at an ugly party?”

“See who can wear the ugliest Christmas sweater.”

“Well, you look ugly mommy!”

“uhh…Thanks?”

“Yeah! You look really ugly!” [This is the point she realizes saying "ugly" is fun.]

She knew that was the goal of the party, so she thought she was encouraging me. At first she was, but then…

For the 40th time: “Mommy, you look really ugly.”

“Aidan, you’re starting to give mommy a complex.”

“What’s a complex?”

Ben pipes in: “It’s a building.”

Saturday, we had Christmas with my dad’s family. It was fun. I love to be around my cousins. They’re the closest thing I had to siblings growing up. They used to be so easy to trick, not so much any more. Once I caught my one of my cousins smoking behind my grandmothers house. He immediately offered me money not to tell. I wasn’t planning on blackmailing him, but he offered, so I accepted. I think maybe, that I used to be mean or something. Fortunately, I grew out of all of that.

Today’s the first official day of Christmas break for Aidan. I love Christmas break. Every year, for 13 years, you get out of school for 2 weeks. You got to college and you get an even longer Christmas break. Then you start your real job, and when this time of year comes around, you expect your Christmas break. I feel like, everyone should get 2 weeks paid vacation this time of year. Even those poor retail workers. Get your shopping done early and let these poor people have a break.

Either my head is still foggy from this cold, or the few brain cells I have left after having 4 children, have finally thrown in the towel. I feel like a zombie.

As the new year approaches, I think back to 1992 on New Years Eve. I was a very dramatic 12 year old girl. I laid in my bed and cried because I felt sorry for 1992, and thought it was horrible that we had to say goodbye to it. I was singing that Boyz II Men version of the song, “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye, to Yesterday.”

Category : Featured, Memoirs, The Children
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17th Dec2008

Be Brave

by The Boss

A few weeks ago, I made myself a little rule and wrote it on our dry erase board. Aidan asked me what it said, so I read it to her. “No worrying allowed.” She asked me why I wrote that, and I told her that I worry to much, so I was reminding myself not to worry.

This morning we were getting ready for school. She has a field trip today, and since it had been rescheduled, I couldn’t go with her. She was telling me how brave she was thinking about being. She wanted to be brave, but she didn’t want to be brave. All of the sudden, she stopped mid-sentence and she started pointing her finger to the dry erase board saying, “You should write Be Brave on that board because… (Then she started pointing to herself) ..some people in this house don’t know how to be brave around spiders.”

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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1 Comm
09th Dec2008

I quit.

by The Boss

I give up trying to clothe someone who will not keep their clothes on. Zion is at the kitchen table having a snack…and he’s naked. He likes it that way, and cares nothing for clothing. I care nothing for picking up his clothes that he has thrown around the house immediately after I put them on him.

I know people who visit our house think I just don’t care about him because every time someone comes to the door he is practically naked…. OR he’s wearing his sisters clothes…When he wears his sisters clothes you can tell people are trying not to make a face. They seem so confused like, “don’t you have 2 boys? wait that is a boy…right?”

Is this genetic? We used to have a hard time keeping my younger cousin in clothes. I remember it had snowed one day, and she was walking down the driveway in nothing but a tshirt and panties. The neighbor told her to put some clothes on, and she told the neighbor to go to hell. She was like 4 or 5, she didn’t mean it.

Category : Memoirs, Raising Boys
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1 Comm
08th Dec2008

One fine day

by The Boss

It was last week, Ben and I were cleaning the house and the boys were laying on our bed watching a movie. I just got that feeling that things had been going to well. That things were way to quiet. They were. Zion had dumped a whole thing of sugar on Ben’s nightstand and the floor. It wasn’t just any sugar, it was my natural cane sugar. The good stuff. The $4 a pop stuff.

You would think after that that I would put a deadbolt on our door and never let them enter again, but I didn’t. I. Am. Stupid. Last night, they got to hang out in our room again, while we had company. They got in my craft stuff, and dumped 100,000 craft sticks on our floor, followed by 300,000 tiny beads.

They have been sitting in my bedroom floor ALL morning fighting over who gets to the hold the bag the craft sticks go into, trying to eat the beads and breaking my paint brushes. They have rolled around on the floor, stood on their heads, pulled each others hair, but they haven’t picked up anything.

I was taking care of Zoe when I realized that they were being very quiet, so I went to check on them. I walked into my room, and saw they were hiding under the covers on my bed. My heart melted, they had been playing hide and seek and I didn’t know. So I pulled back the covers, and it turns out they were hiding but they were not wanting me to seek. They had grabbed some homemade bread off of the counter and were eating it in my bed.There were breadcrumbs everywhere. This is going to be a long day.

This is the part where I get slightly dramatic, I don’t like this part, so we’re going to go quick. Someone said to me once, “The days are long but the years are short.” One day, I’m gonna wish my boys were here, eating bread in my bed. I’m going to miss all of this (I feel a Trace Atkins song coming on.)

I am sure the boys will be off somewhere, doing there own thing one day. I hope when they get done doing there own thing, they find their kids eating bread in their bed! I hope they call me to complain about it, because I am gonna laugh at them, and then I’m gonna buy my grandkids a ginourmous box of craft sticks…ginourmous.

Category : Raising Boys
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4 Comm
07th Dec2008

You’re not a lady if…

by The Boss

This morning I awoke to some sort of weird ceremony taking place on my bed. Aidan was in our bed, hiding under the covers when her brothers came in. They climbed on the bed, stood there very proud like and yelled a lot. When they stopped yelling they could hear Aidan yelling under the covers. It must have been some sort of top secret “go ahead” yell, because they immediately raised their duplos to the sky and cheered, then began to dance around in circles stepping on their father’s legs. This carried on for some time. I didn’t mind because Ben was the one getting stepped on and it was entertaining to Zoe. It was almost like an additional 15 minutes of sleep.

Ben had to be at work at 11:30 today, so we didn’t go to church and I ran out early to get the grocery shopping done. I made the mistake of saying “you guys” in Wal-Mart instead of the traditional, “y’all.” The lady looked at me confused, like she couldn’t understand what I was talking about. The same way my family looks at me, when I talk.

And listen to me, please. If you are a southerner and a lady, I don’t want to see a bumper sticker on your car that says; S.L.U.T.S. Southern Ladies Under Ton of Stress. If you have one of these on your car, you may find me in the parking lot one day, with a scraper and some finger nail polish remover, removing that ridiculous sticker. You’ve been warned.

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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05th Dec2008

275

by The Boss

Friday’s are my favorite day…if Ben is off. He started working 4 10 hour days a while back. It’s been awesome. First of all, it saves us a little money in the gas and lunch department PLUS he can take Aidan to school for me and I don’t have to get 4 kids ready just to take 1 to school. That makes me happy.

This morning Ben was laying in bed and feeding Zoe for me. Zion walked in our room and said, “Mommy! It’s your friend Ben!” I giggled.

I have a plan today. Plans scare me because I am a procrastinator. Also, this plan involves the boys, and well, they’re crazy, but the plan is to start the boys on some activities and get them in a “schooling” mode. The boys hate any type of writing. Andrew usually falls in the floor and proclaims he can’t do it. Which is kind of crap, but true because he still doesn’t have lots of control over his hand when it come to writing, but he’s not interested in writing. I mean, how does writing help you pretend to be a pirate so you can kill princesses? Don’t worry, my friend Aaron gave him a talk about NOT killing the princesses, and how you want the princesses around. I think Andrew thinks princesses are bossy and complain a lot. I wonder who in our house could have given him THAT idea? So the plan is to read and build letters. Hooray! What a fun day!

I went to Aidan’s school the other day because they needed moms to volunteer to help paint snowmen shirts. The kids put their footprint on the shirt and then we turned it into a snowman. I was under the impression that I would be helping Aidan paint her snowman shirt, and she was under the same impression. But all the kids got to do was walk in, put their print on a shirt and go back to class. Then me and a bunch of moms painted these snowmen on these shirts.

This really made no sense to me. First of all, I expect to be getting some calls from the moms who were not there asking me to refund the amount of money they paid for their shirt. We had very limited supplies, and the shirts look like they were painted by Kindergartners. Second, why could the kids not help? All of their important morning stuff was over, and when I was leaving the kids were eating a snack and watching a movie. Could they not have bypassed movie time to paint a scarf and a hat on a shirt? This may be bothering me more than it should.

Because Aidan almost cried, her teacher told her to ask me if I wanted her to leave when I left. That was nice, but in the process her teacher said she was “very dramatic.” Well duh! But this is the first I’ve heard of her crying a lot at school. Her teacher has always just told me how sweet she was, which is great, but I asked Aidan if she cried a lot at school and she said, “yes.” Why did I not know about this? I could have been talking to her about it.

I am not trying to be all, “What did you do to make Aidan cry?” I know she’s dramatic. I feel like they led me to believe she wasn’t having any problems at school. Her report cards have been perfect, she hasn’t been in trouble once. They’ll let me know that she needs help on her academic stuff, but no one told me she was crying at school. As a matter of fact, they’ve told me she’s one who never “falls apart.” Which is just confusing. I am going to write a note to the teacher as soon as I have all this figured out in my head.

The other thing is, she has been falling apart way more at home since she started school. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on with her through out the day. Getting a Kindergartner to talk about stuff is like pulling teeth. I imagine someone at school isn’t doing what she wants them to do and it makes her angry so she cries. I just wish I had known! I figure these teachers have way more to worry about than Aidan being dramatic, and they probably didn’t feel it was important. It’s not that big of a deal, I was just completely unaware. How can I help her with something if I don’t know about it?

::le sigh:: I have vented, and probably been slightly dramatic. Thank you for your time.

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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0 Comm
04th Dec2008

I push the button!

by The Boss

There is this stuffed animal on our Christmas tree that sings a Christmas song and I never knew until the boys squeezed that toy 30 times while we were decorating. After putting up the Christmas tree, we all sat down on the couch to watch it twinkle. Andrew would run up to the tree, squeeze the stuffed animal, and try to run back and sit on the couch before it stopped singing. I guess he was trying to set the mood. He realized that this wasn’t working, and then Zion volunteered to help. They were running in circles trying to make this happen. It wasn’t long before the tree was swaying back and forth, so I told them to stop. Andrew had to try one more time. Then he was told to step away from the tree, but he felt the need to try one more time..eventually I had to drag him from the tree. It was like he could not help himself. He knew that he was going to get in trouble and could care less when it came to the musical styles of this tiny stuffed reindeer. “Just…one…more…time….mom.”

After that, we were at the table and Aidan looked up with a super disappointed look on her face and said, “MOM! We forgot to celebrate Hanukkah!” So I explained that Hanukkah and Christmas had nothing to do with each other, they just happen to be celebrated around the same time. She seemed relieved.

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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2 Comm
04th Dec2008

271

by The Boss

Last week sometime, our beloved dog Flash went to live at my other mother’s house. I call her my other mother, but her name is Lisa. I like this arrangement because if I actually start missing Flash when I start missing Flash, we can go see him. He now lives on a waterless lake (more on this at a later date), with other little friends and gets to be an outside and inside dog. They came and got Flash last Monday, after the kids had gone to bed. We were not trying to hide this from the kids, that’s just when it happened.

Aidan knew before she went to bed what was happening, but I guess I forgot to tell the boys. Yesterday, we walked in from taking Aidan to school and Andrew realized that Flash wasn’t waiting on the other side of the door to pounce on us (yes, pounce, sometimes that dog acted more like a cat than a dog.) Andrew said, “Hey! What happened to Flash?” I couldn’t believe I had neglected to tell him, it must have been all the joy I was feeling from not having a dog sneaking in my bed every night, or peeing just a little bit in the floor if we even looked at him for doing something wrong. I sort of stood in the doorway, waiting on the boys to fall apart because they realized their dog was gone. Nothing happened, Andrew asked his question and then just started playing with his toys.

Flash left a few of his parasite friends here. I am trying my hardest to get rid of them without chemicals. I just keep telling myself I’ve done it twice before and I can do it again. It involves LOTS of vacuuming and laundry, which needed to be done anyway. As a matter of fact, I only vacuum or do laundry when we have fleas.

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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