07th Dec2008

You’re not a lady if…

by The Boss

This morning I awoke to some sort of weird ceremony taking place on my bed. Aidan was in our bed, hiding under the covers when her brothers came in. They climbed on the bed, stood there very proud like and yelled a lot. When they stopped yelling they could hear Aidan yelling under the covers. It must have been some sort of top secret “go ahead” yell, because they immediately raised their duplos to the sky and cheered, then began to dance around in circles stepping on their father’s legs. This carried on for some time. I didn’t mind because Ben was the one getting stepped on and it was entertaining to Zoe. It was almost like an additional 15 minutes of sleep.

Ben had to be at work at 11:30 today, so we didn’t go to church and I ran out early to get the grocery shopping done. I made the mistake of saying “you guys” in Wal-Mart instead of the traditional, “y’all.” The lady looked at me confused, like she couldn’t understand what I was talking about. The same way my family looks at me, when I talk.

And listen to me, please. If you are a southerner and a lady, I don’t want to see a bumper sticker on your car that says; S.L.U.T.S. Southern Ladies Under Ton of Stress. If you have one of these on your car, you may find me in the parking lot one day, with a scraper and some finger nail polish remover, removing that ridiculous sticker. You’ve been warned.

05th Dec2008

275

by The Boss

Friday’s are my favorite day…if Ben is off. He started working 4 10 hour days a while back. It’s been awesome. First of all, it saves us a little money in the gas and lunch department PLUS he can take Aidan to school for me and I don’t have to get 4 kids ready just to take 1 to school. That makes me happy.

This morning Ben was laying in bed and feeding Zoe for me. Zion walked in our room and said, “Mommy! It’s your friend Ben!” I giggled.

I have a plan today. Plans scare me because I am a procrastinator. Also, this plan involves the boys, and well, they’re crazy, but the plan is to start the boys on some activities and get them in a “schooling” mode. The boys hate any type of writing. Andrew usually falls in the floor and proclaims he can’t do it. Which is kind of crap, but true because he still doesn’t have lots of control over his hand when it come to writing, but he’s not interested in writing. I mean, how does writing help you pretend to be a pirate so you can kill princesses? Don’t worry, my friend Aaron gave him a talk about NOT killing the princesses, and how you want the princesses around. I think Andrew thinks princesses are bossy and complain a lot. I wonder who in our house could have given him THAT idea? So the plan is to read and build letters. Hooray! What a fun day!

I went to Aidan’s school the other day because they needed moms to volunteer to help paint snowmen shirts. The kids put their footprint on the shirt and then we turned it into a snowman. I was under the impression that I would be helping Aidan paint her snowman shirt, and she was under the same impression. But all the kids got to do was walk in, put their print on a shirt and go back to class. Then me and a bunch of moms painted these snowmen on these shirts.

This really made no sense to me. First of all, I expect to be getting some calls from the moms who were not there asking me to refund the amount of money they paid for their shirt. We had very limited supplies, and the shirts look like they were painted by Kindergartners. Second, why could the kids not help? All of their important morning stuff was over, and when I was leaving the kids were eating a snack and watching a movie. Could they not have bypassed movie time to paint a scarf and a hat on a shirt? This may be bothering me more than it should.

Because Aidan almost cried, her teacher told her to ask me if I wanted her to leave when I left. That was nice, but in the process her teacher said she was “very dramatic.” Well duh! But this is the first I’ve heard of her crying a lot at school. Her teacher has always just told me how sweet she was, which is great, but I asked Aidan if she cried a lot at school and she said, “yes.” Why did I not know about this? I could have been talking to her about it.

I am not trying to be all, “What did you do to make Aidan cry?” I know she’s dramatic. I feel like they led me to believe she wasn’t having any problems at school. Her report cards have been perfect, she hasn’t been in trouble once. They’ll let me know that she needs help on her academic stuff, but no one told me she was crying at school. As a matter of fact, they’ve told me she’s one who never “falls apart.” Which is just confusing. I am going to write a note to the teacher as soon as I have all this figured out in my head.

The other thing is, she has been falling apart way more at home since she started school. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on with her through out the day. Getting a Kindergartner to talk about stuff is like pulling teeth. I imagine someone at school isn’t doing what she wants them to do and it makes her angry so she cries. I just wish I had known! I figure these teachers have way more to worry about than Aidan being dramatic, and they probably didn’t feel it was important. It’s not that big of a deal, I was just completely unaware. How can I help her with something if I don’t know about it?

::le sigh:: I have vented, and probably been slightly dramatic. Thank you for your time.

04th Dec2008

I push the button!

by The Boss

There is this stuffed animal on our Christmas tree that sings a Christmas song and I never knew until the boys squeezed that toy 30 times while we were decorating. After putting up the Christmas tree, we all sat down on the couch to watch it twinkle. Andrew would run up to the tree, squeeze the stuffed animal, and try to run back and sit on the couch before it stopped singing. I guess he was trying to set the mood. He realized that this wasn’t working, and then Zion volunteered to help. They were running in circles trying to make this happen. It wasn’t long before the tree was swaying back and forth, so I told them to stop. Andrew had to try one more time. Then he was told to step away from the tree, but he felt the need to try one more time..eventually I had to drag him from the tree. It was like he could not help himself. He knew that he was going to get in trouble and could care less when it came to the musical styles of this tiny stuffed reindeer. “Just…one…more…time….mom.”

After that, we were at the table and Aidan looked up with a super disappointed look on her face and said, “MOM! We forgot to celebrate Hanukkah!” So I explained that Hanukkah and Christmas had nothing to do with each other, they just happen to be celebrated around the same time. She seemed relieved.

04th Dec2008

271

by The Boss

Last week sometime, our beloved dog Flash went to live at my other mother’s house. I call her my other mother, but her name is Lisa. I like this arrangement because if I actually start missing Flash when I start missing Flash, we can go see him. He now lives on a waterless lake (more on this at a later date), with other little friends and gets to be an outside and inside dog. They came and got Flash last Monday, after the kids had gone to bed. We were not trying to hide this from the kids, that’s just when it happened.

Aidan knew before she went to bed what was happening, but I guess I forgot to tell the boys. Yesterday, we walked in from taking Aidan to school and Andrew realized that Flash wasn’t waiting on the other side of the door to pounce on us (yes, pounce, sometimes that dog acted more like a cat than a dog.) Andrew said, “Hey! What happened to Flash?” I couldn’t believe I had neglected to tell him, it must have been all the joy I was feeling from not having a dog sneaking in my bed every night, or peeing just a little bit in the floor if we even looked at him for doing something wrong. I sort of stood in the doorway, waiting on the boys to fall apart because they realized their dog was gone. Nothing happened, Andrew asked his question and then just started playing with his toys.

Flash left a few of his parasite friends here. I am trying my hardest to get rid of them without chemicals. I just keep telling myself I’ve done it twice before and I can do it again. It involves LOTS of vacuuming and laundry, which needed to be done anyway. As a matter of fact, I only vacuum or do laundry when we have fleas.

01st Dec2008

I missed you guys.

by The Boss

I am super excited today. I haven’t blogged in days, bet you guys never even knew, right? I feel like I have so much to tell you. I don’t even no where to begin…

Thanksgiving was amazing. First of all, when I walked into Laura’s she told me to close my eyes and open my mouth. Then she put some spinach artichoke dip in my mouth. I fell in love with her. While we were eating, Friend Ben’s mom told us amazing stories of Little Friend Ben. Things like, he would read books to his little brother and that he had an imaginary….should I be telling you this? I mean..what’s Friend Ben ever done to me besides put a photoshopped picture of me on facebook. Which was just retaliation of the picture of him I put on Facebook. I give Friend Ben such a hard time, ALL the time, maybe I shouldn’t tell you that he had an imaginary friend named Regganounce when he was a boy. I guess I’ll have to give that some more thought. After we ate, we went on the longest walk known to man. Not really but when you’re out of shape and super full it might as well had been.

Friday I had planned to put up my Christmas Tree, but that never happened because we got a crazy idea to pull up the carpet in our Family Room…and we did. That was an all day project, even though I distinctly remember telling Ben that it wouldn’t be. If time would just listen to me, everything would go much smoother. My mom called and told me she needed all this help at her new office. She couldn’t get her printers to work. When we got to her office, I pulled an envelope out of the printer/copier that had gotten jammed then I plugged it up. It worked fine after that. I don’t know a lot about electronics, but what I do know I give all credit to my mom. If it wasn’t for her not knowing anything she would have never MADE me do all the electronic related things growing up. Actually, she was always trying to make me do weird things growing up. Once, I had spent the night at a friends, and at 7:00am she called me and was all, “Come home now.” She sounded angry, but I wasn’t buying it. “Why do you want me to come home, Mother?”
“Just do it Brandice!”
“This is not a Nike commercial mother.”
Then her voice changed from stern to whiny and she said, ” I can’t get this anklet on because my nails are to long.”
“I’m going back to sleep.”

Saturday, we went to visit my family. I went to see my dads mom first. She made a ginormous lunch for us, and I was telling her how her house reminded me of an I Spy! book. The longer you look around, you see more stuff you never knew was there, even though the stuff has been there forever, like MY WHOLE LIFE. She chuckled when I told her, and then she said, “You know I NEVER throw anything away.” After that we went to my aunts house, and I could have stayed all day except for the fact I had 2 more places to visit before I got home. When I got to my other grandmothers, I started looking for Zoe’s formula so I could make her a bottle. But I never found it. That’s because I never brought it. So we immediately packed back up and drove the hour home so she could eat. We didn’t even get to stop by my dads.

Speaking of my dad, when I called him later to tell him why we hadn’t stopped to see him, something amazing happened. His girlfriend, told him to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. He hasn’t asked me that question since I had kids. Trying not to go into shock, I crossed my fingers and said, “LAPTOP!” You’ll never believe what happened next. His girlfriend said, “Wait! we’re buying a new one for Christmas and the one we have is only a few years old.” Then she told my dad he could buy that one from her, for me. I think it needs a little work, but I could have swore I heard the angels singing as the whole conversation went on. Then I laughed because my dad got roped into that one. I love it when he has girlfriends. So, maybe, just maybe I might be getting a VAIO…

.

25th Nov2008

I am this cat

by The Boss
alt text

It’s True.

22nd Nov2008

No sombreros were worn in the making of this post.

by The Boss

Yesterday, after a small anxiety attack, a couple of phone calls and the discovery of someone’s birthday, I got a girls night out.

I was in the bathroom reaching for my makeup bag, which was dusty from lack of use, when Aidan came in to interrogate me.

“Wear are you going, Mommy?”

“I’m having a girl’s night.”

“I want to go with you.”

“No.”

“But it’s not fair.”

“Yes, it is fair.”

::the waterworks begin::

“It’s not fair when you go places and leave me home.”

“Well Aidan, seeing how that NEVER happens, I think you’ll live.”

::runs off::

“Dadddddyyyyyyyyyy, Mommy’s leaving!”

“uhh huhhh”

When it was time to go, I said bye to Ben and the kids.

Aidan: “Bye Mommy.”

Andrew: “Bye Mommy”

Zion:”Bye Mom”

I start walking toward the door.

Aidan: “Wait! I need a hug”

“I just hugged you.”

“I need another one.”

“Fine.”

Andrew: “Mommy! I need a BIG hug!”

So I give him a BIG hug. Still confused how he has somehow forgotten that I just hugged him 5 seconds ago.

Zion:”I need a hug, Mom.”

So I hug him too…again.

Then, as I place my hand on the doorknob…

Aidan:” Mommy, you forgot to give us kisses.”

“Oh, it must have been all the hugging that made me forget.”

Andrew:”I need a kiss too, Mom”

“Fine.”

Zion: “Hey Mom! Kiss me too.”

As I turn to walk out the door, someone brings up hugging again. So, I run.

When I get in the car, I can’t help but check several times to make sure they haven’t gotten in there somehow.

I wont go into the part where I stood at the restaurant a while, wondering where everyone could be. Or that they were at their house, waiting on me to pick them up. That’s not important. What’s important is that there was cheese dip and an unlimited supply of tortilla chips. It’s also important that the birthday girl didn’t end up with a sombrero on her head, which I think is a small price to pay for a free brownie.

21st Nov2008

I’d rather be at Books-A-Million

by The Boss

We were looking through a catalog this morning, and Ben noticed a book he thought I’d like.Then he said, “That’s it! Let’s go to Books-A-Million.” My heart skipped a beat as I thought about the books I might buy..or at least thumb through. Before I could even verbally respond he said, “I guess that was a mean trick to play on you.”

::inset super frown here::

Then I remembered, that we had been talking about our budget, and not buying anything extra to save a little money. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Dave Ramsey for ruining the whole shopping experience for me and pointing out how much money could be going into savings. It’s not that I am ungrateful, it’s just that I’d rather be at Books-A-Million. Dave, I first read your book while standing in the isle of that store, and that worked out for both of us. I bought a book, and you got paid for it.

I’d also like to thank Lee and Larry for showing Ben how much you’ve saved up!(WHICH IS AWESOME!) That has encouraged us to buckle down a little…or a lot.

Repeat after me, HOORAY for saving money! HOORAY for saving money!

20th Nov2008

My Christmas Wish List

by The Boss

My Christmas Wish List, also known as the “Brandice your flippin’ crazy, get a job and buy it yourself list.”
And even better, the “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, get a grip.”

Canon Digital Rebel XSi 12.2 MP Digital SLR Camera with EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS Lens (Black)

camera

and a laptop….any laptop that will allow me to blog on my couch…with my feet up.

laptop

laptop2

It’s only 2 things. It’s not like I am being greedy.


19th Nov2008

Zoloft Anyone?

by The Boss

There is this school bus that I pass daily. This lady is not afraid to run over me. I can be pulling out of a street, that she is turning on to, and she WILL. NOT. ACKNOWLEDGE. MY.EXISTENCE.

She obviously has no idea that I have major anxiety issues about any form of transportation. It all started with riding the school bus as a child. I rode 3 different buses depending on where I was going that afternoon: Mamaw Cole, Mamaw Vernie or Aunt Dianna.

I was in Kindergarten, and I would be walking to the bus and I would forget where I was going that day. I would cry. Then someone would tell me which bus to get on, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had gotten on the wrong bus.

Today, when I get in the car to go somewhere, I will check the following things 5 times:
4 children ::check::
Are my shoes on? ::check::
Did I remember my bra? ::check::

[I don't have to worry about remembering my phone or money, my 5 year old keeps tabs on those things for me]

Is Zoe really in her car seat? ::check::
Did I buckle the kids in? ::check::

You get the idea.

Then, there is the issue of riding with other people. Let me just break it down for you: If you’re driving, I’m fighting the urge to puke. It’s not personal, it’s everyone. It comes from an obsessive need to be in control. If we’re in your car, don’t ask me to drive (unless you’re physically impaired) cause I am even more worried about me wrecking your car than I am you wrecking your car.

Should I dare fly, it’s like going back to Kindergarten. Did I get on the right plane? Am I going to the right place? What if I end up in Utah?

When Ben is driving I get the idea he wants to throw me out…at the end of a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, and drive away at a high speed. I am constantly slamming on my imaginary brakes, hiding my face in my hands, pointing out the red lights and the other cars in road that are stopping.

If I had AdSense on my blog right now, I am sure their would be an advertisement for Zoloft.

NOTE: after writing this I remembered that I wanted to add adsense to my blog. So I did. I was wrong. No Zoloft ads.

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