19th Dec2008

A little recap

by The Boss

On Wednesday, I went to get Aidan from school. It was a rainy, cold day. Much like every other day this week. I put Aidan in the car and was driving home, thinking about the fact I was getting my hair done at 4. I was driving on a 4 lane road with the turning lane in the middle. Is that technically a 5 lane? I don’t know, you get the idea.

I was in the far right lane, when this white car with black tinted windows pulled out right in front of me. I mean, RIGHT.IN.FRONT.OF.ME. I had to swerve to miss him. So here I am swinging my car into the left lane, not even having a chance to see if any one else was in that lane. The car, the one who pulled out in front of me, continues into the left lane as well. So I swerve to miss him or her again, and the brakes on my van locked up. At this point I was sliding across the road because the roads were so wet.

Some how, my car just stopped perfectly in the middle lane. I glanced in my rear view mirror and there were no cars in my sight. I have decided that this was a miracle. Usually traffic on this road is heavy, and there is always someone right behind me, making me a nervous wreck.

I would like to add, that up until this happened, my anxiety that is associated with riding in a car has been very low. I’ve been cruising around this last week like a newly licensed teenager. Like your average newly licensed teenager, I was a very nervous newly license teenager.

Its weird, because I kind of know what happened, but I don’t remember what happened. I am pretty sure I may have gone into shock. Everything always seems so weird when you’re in those kind of situations.

I’ve wanted to get my hair done forever, like these purple, red and blond highlights. My dad gave me my Christmas money Wednesday, so I wanted to use it on my hair. While I was sliding across the road, I remember thinking, “Not today! I have a babysitter! I want to get my hair done!”

After the car stopped, I sat in the middle lane for a while. I angrily blew my horn at the guy who ran me off the road. I think I may have actually been beating my steering wheel. I was so angry. He didn’t even stop. Now everywhere I go I look for the white car with tinted black windows. There are a lot of white cars with tinted black windows, by the way. After that, this car pulled into the turning lane, coming from the other direction. Aidan started yelling, “Watch out!” She thought the car was going to hit us head on.

I am so thankful that we didn’t get into an accident. It was like my car just barley missed this other car. I am so amazed that I even had the reflexes to respond because my head is a fog right now between my cold and the cold medicine. I officially declare this a Christmas Miracle. I know God’s hand had to have been on us.

I did get my hair done and it’s beautiful. It’s WAY darker than it’s ever been, and that is a really nice change. I got the highlights I wanted. Today I am going back to have purple put over the blond, and put some blond in some different spots.

I think I am almost done being sick. Which is great because tonight is the Ugly Christmas Sweater party. I will hopefully be concocting something fabulous to wear. I am still looking for a sitter though…wait a minute…as I type this my mother has called and volunteered! Another Christmas miracle ladies and gentlemen!

It’s a wonderful life afterall!

Note: Blogger may be under the influence of cold medicine. This blogger does not operate well under these kind of circumstances.

17th Dec2008

Bleh.

by The Boss

Have I mentioned that I am sick? I woke up Sunday morning with a sore throat and more mucus than a person should ever have. I’m really sorry for saying mucus, but you really need to get the full picture here. I felt like CRAP.

Sunday consisted of me sitting on my couch, watching movies, and doing nothing. I drank hot tea and ate chicken soup that I had made on Saturday. I yelled at the kids to stop doing whatever they were doing with what voice I could conjur up. I tried to make them be perfectly still because if they even thought about moving it annoyed me. Needless to say, I was annoyed all day. I’m very irrational when I don’t feel well.

Anyway, I thought I would be better by now. I’ve taken so much Nyquil, and it hasn’t really done anything. A family member told me to drink some moonshine. He said it’d give me a hangover, but I would be better. I don’t know what kind of connections he thinks I have, but I don’t know the local moonshine guys.

I’m going to rest today and eat lots of garlic. That way when I attempt to go Christmas shopping tonight, all I will have to do to get people out of my way is breathe on them. Fighting off infection and evil shoppers all with one stone.

On another note, if you haven’t nominated your favorite funny blog yet, you need to. I will need you all to vote soon.

17th Dec2008

Be Brave

by The Boss

A few weeks ago, I made myself a little rule and wrote it on our dry erase board. Aidan asked me what it said, so I read it to her. “No worrying allowed.” She asked me why I wrote that, and I told her that I worry to much, so I was reminding myself not to worry.

This morning we were getting ready for school. She has a field trip today, and since it had been rescheduled, I couldn’t go with her. She was telling me how brave she was thinking about being. She wanted to be brave, but she didn’t want to be brave. All of the sudden, she stopped mid-sentence and she started pointing her finger to the dry erase board saying, “You should write Be Brave on that board because… (Then she started pointing to herself) ..some people in this house don’t know how to be brave around spiders.”

15th Dec2008

I learned a lot this weekend

by The Boss

Note: I have 2 cousins who I will call K and H for this post. H is the older sister of K. :) Carry on.

Saturday was Christmas with my moms family. Apparently one of my younger cousins, K,  has been bitter all these years due to some remarks I made as a child and teenager. I think my favorite was when she told me, that I told her, “You can’t ride in my car, you’re not a teenager.” Teenagers are the picture of stupidity.

K’s the same younger cousin that told the neighbor to go to “you know where.” She also flipped off a school bus full of children. Which was bad for her since her mother was a teacher then. They all exited the bus and went straight to my Aunts classroom to tell on her.

One magical Christmas, so long ago…well it was magical for H and K anyway, Santa brought them the Nintendo. Santa also brought my other cousins a Nintendo that same Christmas. I guess Santa didn’t like me as much as he liked them. I never got a Nintendo…ever.

Apparently, K found that it was unfair for me and H to play Nintendo without her. This isn’t true because we clearly let her play with the Duck Hunt gun. It may not have been actually plugged into the Nintendo, but it’s still part of the Nintendo and we let her play.

These were H’s rules. She played Mario, I played Luigi, and K got the gun. Now, this is the part where my bitterness comes in. In order for me to actually get a turn playing Luigi, H had to mess up and kill Mario. This NEVER happened, because H never died. She’s like the James Bond of Super Mario Brothers. If she did let me play Mario, I’d die almost immediately. There was never a reason for me to even bother. Which is why I think she let me be Luigi in the first place. If by some chance she did die, she wouldn’t have to wait long for me to die, then it would be her turn again.

I will take credit for the stone retainer wall we tore apart in order to find hidden treasure (they got in SO much trouble for that); jumping from really high places because I was convinced we could fly if we’d just climb higher and try harder; setting traps in the woods to catch a pet bunny rabbit; playing on top of waterfalls; and not letting K play with us unless she jumped in the pool in the middle of winter. I will not take credit for the Nintendo incidents, I will blame H.

11th Dec2008

woo!

by The Boss

Today, I will be sewing, I have Christmas presents to make! I am so excited!

You may not see me for a while. When I start sewing, I can’t stop.

::weeeeeeeee::

10th Dec2008

There is no such thing as Santa Claus

by The Boss

With the holidays approaching I can’t help but think about my childhood. My dad was really big on Santa when I was a kid. Looking back at all the toys Santa brought me as a child seems a little excessive now that I am a parent.

I was always suspicious about the existence of Santa. He just seemed too good to be true. My parents assured me he was real over and over again. Still I doubted, so I would make them promise he was real, and they would.

I was 7 before I found any hard evidence that Santa didn’t exist. I remember looking around that Christmas Eve very carefully, paying attention to the tiniest details.

In the morning, the first thing I noticed was a closet door that was slightly ajar. I pointed out to my parents that the door was completely closed when we went to bed, and they just tried distracting me with my new presents. Later in the morning, I found the wrapping paper and colored tape that had been used to wrap my presents. My parents said Santa wrapped the presents while he was putting them under the tree. I couldn’t break them, they had an answer for everything.

The following Christmas came as quickly as they all seem to. This year, my parents weren’t together and I stayed with my dad on Christmas Eve. I fell asleep as soon as possible. The next morning, I had a feeling that Santa just wasn’t coming. I lingered in bed just a little while longer until my curiosity got the best of me. My suspicions were right. Santa had not come.

I went back to bed, and stared at the ceiling. I think I even felt a little foolish. About 2 minutes passed, and I heard my dad jump out of his bed and run out the front door. A few more minutes passed and I heard him come back in. I suspect he knew I had already been up and seen that Santa had not come. He had to act quickly so he yelled out, “Thanks Santa! See you next year!” Santa had brought me a new bike.

I never said anything to my dad about that morning. I just let him think he had tricked me again. He likes to think he’s smarter than me. But I knew, if I said anything I would not be getting anything good for Christmas the next year.

10th Dec2008

A protest.

by The Boss

Today is one of those days, the horrible kind, the worst kind, the laundry kind. After checking out my laundry room, I have decided that everyone in my house will live as Zion lives, naked.

I am taking away all rights to peoples closets, they will be allotted one outfit per week. They will be instructed to “wear it wisely.” This works out great for Andrew, cause he hates change, even changing clothes.

I’m throwing the towels away and forcing people to stand and air dry after showering or bathing.

“What about our socks?” They whine.

“Who cares about your stinkin’ socks, we only know where one of each pair is, anyway!”

I feel so liberated, so free, just thinking about the possibilities of this new way of life.

09th Dec2008

Reason #1 I need therapy

by The Boss

My mother sings this song when I can’t reach things, it goes “Short people! Ain’t got no reason to live, short people…!” It’s like clock work. I ask her to grab something for me, she starts singing.

The annoying thing is, she has conditioned my brain to hear that song anytime something is out of reach. So I hear that song in my head 100 times a day.

Thank you mother. Thank you.

09th Dec2008

I quit.

by The Boss

I give up trying to clothe someone who will not keep their clothes on. Zion is at the kitchen table having a snack…and he’s naked. He likes it that way, and cares nothing for clothing. I care nothing for picking up his clothes that he has thrown around the house immediately after I put them on him.

I know people who visit our house think I just don’t care about him because every time someone comes to the door he is practically naked…. OR he’s wearing his sisters clothes…When he wears his sisters clothes you can tell people are trying not to make a face. They seem so confused like, “don’t you have 2 boys? wait that is a boy…right?”

Is this genetic? We used to have a hard time keeping my younger cousin in clothes. I remember it had snowed one day, and she was walking down the driveway in nothing but a tshirt and panties. The neighbor told her to put some clothes on, and she told the neighbor to go to hell. She was like 4 or 5, she didn’t mean it.

08th Dec2008

I am neurotic.

by The Boss

I’d like to thank Kelly over at Neurotic Mom for featuring me on her blog!

You can check out the post by clicking the button to the left.

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