28th Jan2009

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

by The Boss

Last night, my phone rang. I answered expecting to hear Laura’s voice, but instead it was a 7 year old voice. My niece Anne had called to ask Aidan about her 100th day at school. She had heard that Aidan got to dress up like someone who was 100 years old, and she wanted to hear about her day.

Anne is 7, but she’s that most mature person I know. When I said, “I’m sorry Anne, Aidan is already asleep.” She said, “Oh, that’s fine. I just wanted to hear about her day at school and ask her what it was like to dress up like she was 100.”

Then she said:

“I was very sad on the school bus today, do you know why?”

My mind took me to the days that I rode the school bus, and I begin to think of all the things that made me sad. Missing my mom, other kids being mean, but that wasn’t made Anne sad.

“I was staring out the bus window and you know what I saw? I saw trash everywhere. It was all on the roads, especially the school. The school was damaged by all the trash and it made me very sad. I think we need to get a bunch of trash bags and maybe we could go and pick up all that trash.”

“That’s a good idea, Anne.”

“Do you know what my teacher told me? She said, that she read in the paper that the dumps were full of trash and that people were still bringing trash there. So, I think I we should put all the trash in the recycling.”

“I think so too.”

“If we don’t clean it up by tomorrow the wilderness will be ruined forever.”

“Maybe you need to ask your mom and dad if that’s OK for you to do tomorrow.”

“Well, I will have to make sure I don’t have a lot of homework. Sometimes I don’t have a lot and maybe tomorrow will be one of those days.”

Then I asked her about school and I asked her what her favorite subject was. Then she asked me what a subject was, and I was like, “YES! I know something that she doesn’t” Then she told me reading was her favorite thing to do at school.

Then she said, “Well, Madeline is back! You can talk to her now. Goodbye.”

Madeline is about to be 5, and I have finally figured out that Madeline is really Rainbow Brite. She fills the world with sparkly stars and color, and given the opportunity I will buy her a white horse and rainbow colored moonboots.

Madeline told me about going to the store with her dad, and that they were back now, and that she loved me. She then handed the phone to her dad, and I am sure it’s because Murky Lurky was off trying to steal color from the world somewhere, and she needed to save the day.

Laura has 3 AMAZING little girls. A-MA-ZING I tell you. Jacob is going to need a shotgun, and an 8 foot wall around their house. He made this little motion detector thing for their garden to scare the deer off, and it would say, “Get out of my garden!” Or something like that. I imagine there will be a motion detector outside of their house that says, “Stay away from my daughters! They’re not allowed to date until they’re 30!”

I’m going to write more later when my computer stops being the tortoise from the DSL commercials.

To be continued…

Category : Memoirs
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1 Comm
27th Jan2009

This is what I get for reading to my children

by The Boss

I was reading Aidan a version of the “Puss-In-Boots” story. I didn’t pre-read the story, I just started reading, and it went something like this…

“ONCE UPON A TIME a miller died and left all he possessed to his three sons. But he only had these three things- his mill, his ahhhh, uhhhh…ummmm… ::whispers ass::, and his cat.”

My grandmother has a few words that most would consider swear words, but she doesn’t.  As far as she is concerned, Sh** is just sh**, and a** is a**. I think maybe, those words may have been slang when she was young, but I don’t think they were swear words.

I took this moment to talk to Aidan about the word, ass.  I told her that it was another word for donkey and that she might hear grown ups or even other kids say it, but that I did not want her to say that word, because it could be offensive to other people.

She just smiled like she always does, with her sweet little innocent face, and said:

“OK. So, I shouldn’t call people asses?”

“No, don’t do that.”

Category : The Children
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1 Comm
23rd Jan2009

Yeah…I’m famous.

by The Boss

I was asked by Tara over at The Cupcake Cafe to write a guest post for her blog, while she went on a trip. So, I did. Then a miracle happened, she actually posted it. I was just as surprised as you. The last time I wrote a guest post, they conveniently forgot about me.

So, why don’t you click on this link http://thecupcakecafe.blogspot.com/2009/01/guest-post-by-brandice-of-blog-youre.html

Enjoy.

Category : Memoirs
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0 Comm
22nd Jan2009

I’m not getting any younger, and you’re old.

by The Boss

What do you say when your dad tells you, “Hey, if something happens to me and I die, you’ll be richer because I took out a life insurance policy.”

I’ll tell you what you shouldn’t say, “Oh, good.”

That’s what I said.

“Yeah, I was wondering how I was going to pay for that house on the lake I want.”

“Any way you can speed up the process a little?”

I didn’t really say the last 2 things. I didn’t even think them. But I never know what to say when people start talking to me about wills and what not, especially when I am to inherit something. I don’t even want to know what I will inherit. It makes me feel guilty for being alive.

Anyway, this is probably an appropriate post to mention that my mother will be 50 next month. I plan on making a huge deal out of this.

“Brandice, why would you do that to your mother?”

Because, there was a period of about 5 years that I would ask my mother and father, “How old are you?” And every year, my mom said “29″ and my dad said, “34.” Then, my mother and I would be standing in line somewhere, and some stupid man would  hit on her and say, “Oh, is this your sister?” and point to me. Of course, the only answer to that question is, “yes.” Oh, and then there’s the time that we went to Panama City Beach, and we were driving down the strip and she was yelling at boys. One of those boys ended up in our car, and asked my mom how old she was, and she said “20 something” and then she asked  him to call her “Deb.”

Nah..I’m not trying to be mean to her. She’s like me, she loves attention. I am sure she will love that I point out to all of Alabama that she will be “half a century” years old. I can only hope that she will return the favor to me when I am 50.

I will be 29 next month. My last year of being in my 20′s. Instead of a New Year’s resolution, I decided to make a list of things to do while I’m still young.

So here is a sample of my list:

1. Do a cart wheel.

2. Make a time capsule to open when I am 50 so I can remember the good times, and possibly become severly depressed.

3. Read the Nancy Drew series.

4. Sell lemonade from my lemonade stand.

5. Learn to whistle with my fingers.

6. Make a club house in my backyard that is for girls only.

7. Create a neighborhood gang. I want to walk around taking my fist and punching my other hand, like I am about to beat someone up with the mere strength of my youth. The youth that is quickly slipping from my grasp.

Category : Lists
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1 Comm
21st Jan2009

I would love to do this to someone. LOVE.IT.

by The Boss

Category : Daily Video
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3 Comm
21st Jan2009

Books are my boyfriend.

by The Boss

I am most definitely, 100% sure, that I am homeschooling next year…probably. I’m going order our curriculum when we get our tax refund. I’ve wanted to homeschool since Aidan was living it up in my womb. We almost homeschooled this year, but with the new baby and using my pregnant brain to over think, virtually EVERY aspect of it, Ben changed our minds. I’m not sorry she went to Kindergarten, she’s had a good time.

As for my reasons for homeschooling, I don’t know if I want to go into it all just yet.

The curriculum we’re using, is probably going to be Sonlight. It’s expensive, but its amazing. I have managed to find a way to spend a great deal less on it, and that is exactly what I plan to do. It’s all literature based. We love books in this household. When that package of books comes to my door, I’m going to dump the contents out into the floor and wallow around in them. Then, we’ll start reading them all at the same time, trying to soak up every bit of information that is in them. By the end of the day we should be ready to order the next years curriculum.

Imagine the great blog posts, I’ll have.

“Dear readers, I write this post from the ER, because Andrew lit me on fire during a science experiment. This trip to the ER fulfills all field trip requirements for this month.”

Category : Homeschool
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15th Jan2009

I love old photographs

by The Boss

Check out these 2 links. The pics are cool, and I love the story. It may be a good time to mention that I am naive, and will believe just about anything I’m told. I also, will not believe the truth. But, let’s just pretend that it’s real, because I really want it to be.

http://tbl.squareamerica.com/archives/2007/04/the_way_of_all.html

http://tbl.squareamerica.com/archives/2007/11/the_way_of_all_2.html

Category : links
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2 Comm
13th Jan2009

I’m getting really tired of having to name posts.

by The Boss

This morning, I loaded the kids in the car, buckled them in, and put the car in reverse. I put my foot on the gas pedal, and as the back tires of van touched the edge of my driveway, Andrew said, “Are we there yet?”

“No! We’re not THERE yet!”

Andrew is amazing. We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things like, drinking water; changing the Thomas shirt he’s worn 5 days in a row; cleaning his room; punching his brother in the head; and treating our visitors like they are the monkey bars at a play ground.

I do however agree with him 100% when he says things like, “Mommy, I’m a great boy!” or “Mommy, I’m awesome! or “Mommy, are you crazy?”

Now, I need your help. I’m writing a guest post for The Cupcake Cafe. She said I could write about anything, which made me think of being in my English class in High School, and the teacher would say, “Write a paper, about whatever you want.”

“Can’t you give us something specific? You really expect me to really just think of a subject, and THEN write about it?”

“Fine, write an argumentative essay about the lottery telling me why you think it should be legal or illegal in Alabama.”

“I’d rather write about the mental anguish and unnecessary  harm that homework assignments have caused me and my family.”

“Too late.”

So, I said that to say…

Give me some ideas, or I might ask Tara and then she might give me a topic and then I might not want to write about that. In general, I don’t write about “topics.” No, that would require commitment and focus. Two things, I don’t have. Also, most likely I wont write about the topic you suggest either, but please, just cooperate. Don’t make me beg.

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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3 Comm
08th Jan2009

Overlaod

by The Boss

It takes me 15 minutes to get to, or from Aidan’s school. In our 15 minute car ride home today, she asked me the following questions:

1.”I missed you at nap time mommy. What does “missed” mean?”

“It’s when you want to see someone.”

2. “Like I want to see Grandpa?”

“Yes.”

3.”Where are Grandma and Grandpa going to live when they’re here?”

“They won’t be living with anyone, they’ll be sleeping at Uncle Micah’s house.”

4.” Does Grandpa walk with a walking stick?”

“No.”

5. “Why?”

“He doesn’t need one.”

6. “Why?”

“Because he can walk.”

7. “Why does Papaw (my grandfather) need a walking stick?”

“Because he can’t walk without it.”

8. “So why doesn’t Grandpa use a walking stick.?”

“Because, He. Can. Walk.”

“Oh yeah.”

9. “When will they be here?”

“Tonight sometime.”

“I thought you said they’d be here today.”

“By the time they get here from the airport, it will be dark.”

10. “What if it’s dark while they’re in the plane?”

“It wont be dark while they’re in the plane. Plus, planes can fly in the dark. So, nothing to worry about.”

9. “But where will they sleep in the plane?”

“They wont be sleeping in the plane. But if they did, they’d just sleep in their seats.”

“Oh!”

10. “Do Crocodiles live in that water?”

“No, they don’t.”

11. “How about fish? Do fish live in that water?”

“I think that water is from all the rain we’ve been getting. It’s not an actual pond, or river.”

12. “Why does the wind blow all by itself?”

“I’m not sure if I know how to answer that, we’ll have to look it up in a Science book.”

13. ” Do we have a Science book?”

“Yes, somewhere.”

“Hmmm…maybe I’ll just ask God.”

14. “How does the sun keep us alive?”

“Well, it gives light to the plants, and the plants make oxygen so we can breathe.”

15. ” How do plants makes oxygen?”

“It’s called Photosynthesis.”

16.”What if Grandma and Grandpa, don’t come here?”

“Aidan, everything is fine. Stop worrying, and go with the flow.”

17.”What does “flow” mean?”

“Aidan, you’ve reached your question quota for the hour”

Category : Memoirs, The Children
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2 Comm
08th Jan2009

I have no idea what to title this post

by The Boss

Yesterday, I was in a little conversation with Beth from, Please Mom, Don’t Sing. From a comment she left, to an email, this is how it went:

She left me this comment in response to the drama, drama, drama post:

This is the funniest thing! I would love to read the email to your church. I’m betting it went something like this: “Please pray for me because we have no clothes that aren’t stained with my thick salty tears and mounds of saliva and snot. You see, our washing machine is broke and we may not make it through the weee eek ekkkkkk……..”

She was so close. I had to send her the email I sent to my church: I sent this email out after sobbing to my sister-in-law, Laura. She was on the phone with me as I realized the washing machine broke. Laura said later that she had no idea, what was going on, because she couldn’t understand a word I was saying.

Probably sounded something like this, can’t remember exactly, I was consumed with grief:

“noooooo! ::sobbing begins::   ma waaaaainnnng rokkkkkkeeee. waaaaaa gooooon doooooooooo ?!”

Laura in a calm soothing voice: What broke? Brandice…Brandice.

“stuuuuuupid washing machine is broken.”

“Brandice, bring your laundry to my house, and I will wash your clothes.”

“Iiiiiiiii don’t wanna load laundry and kids in the car. We have compannnnyyyyy coming over and all my clothes are dirrrrrrrtttty.”

“Brandice, I don’t mind washing your clothes.”

“I’m just gonna call Ben, and seeeee whaaaaat heeee saaaaays.”

“OK, Call me back.”

::Ring Ring::

“Hello?”

::Snifff..sobbb…sniff::

“What’s wrong?!”

“I am soooooo fruuuustrated!!”

“Why, what happened?”

“The stuuuupiiid washing machiiiiiiiiine broke.”

“The what broke?”

“The. washing. machine.”

“Oh, well that’s no big deal.”

“But weeeee donnnn’t haave any clean clothes, and we have peeeeeeeeople coming over!”

“I’ll just buy some dryer sheets, and we’ll throw some in the dryer. We’ll be fine.”

I call Laura back, who’s already coming up with a master plan to deal with a sister who’s falling apart and 4 additional children, to add to her 3. I Told her, we’d make it, and that everything was OK. I obviously wasn’t going to feel any peace until, I emailed my entire church body. I forwarded this email to Beth yesterday.

“We are going to need a washing machine. Ours broke, and it’s the 3rd thing to break this week. First our heater, then the tv, now the washing machine.

If anyone has one or knows of one that someone is getting rid of, even to sell, please let us know. Pray for me please, I can handle being cold ( we got it fixed though), and no TV, but the laundry is backed up enough here, and it makes me crazy, plus Ben and I don’t have any clean clothes right now. All of mine are covered in slobber and snot. :)

Thank you, Brandice”

Then she sent me this email, and then I laughed…a lot.

“Still priceless…

I wonder if that would work for ME?

“My digital camera broke and I’m on my 4 year old’s yearbook committee (my 4-year old, people – have mercy). All the OTHER mothers have digital camera that WORK and have pictures of THEIR children. My poor child will have to be the one sadly standing behind someone else’s child positioned in the front.

Then our receiver for the TV died and I can’t watch “Little House on the Prairie” anymore. My days aren’t the same without watching Caroline and Charles debate about whether to get the girl’s new shoes or a second-hand horse.

We’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul so I could get my books for my last semester of college at UAB. At to what end? The governor just announced a hiring freeze on new teachers. Now what am I supposed to do to help support my family? I may have to take to shamelessly accepting companies’ products and hawk them over the internet on my blog just to put some protein in my children.

Won’t you help now? By calling this 1-800 number now, you could save this family. But wait, there’s more. If you call right now, you could get a picture of them (not a digital one, of course) – FREE, just for calling in the next 30 minutes. Won’t you help now? Won’t you pick up your phone and make.that.call?”

You know I’m just playing with you.

Beth”

I found her response entertaining, I thought you might as well.

Category : Memoirs
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